"Don't exaggerate your flaws
- your friends will attend to that" 

                    -Robert.C.Edwards


I am the Bill Gates of flaws

Olivia -
Stupid
Lame
Easily Amused
Easily Hurt
Lack confidence
L a z y
Talkstoomuch
Lies
Constantly worrying
Tries to makeEVERYONEhappy

yes i was aware of maybe one or two of these flaws
 

but the rest,
- and unmentioned ones -
are the ones pointed out to me by my friends


I get so angry remeberring the times they went out of their way to show the world what a dickhead i am,

but then i remember the
stomach aches &
crows feet &
tired bodies
we all got from the laughing about it

and i laugh again


because
the good times
outnumber
the bad

20 trillion to one


They pointed out my flaws,
but didnt leave my side

They ridicule me to no end
but whilst theyre doing it, theyre hugging me

They punch me
but its okay coz i know they just wanna touch me





I love my flaws
they make me interesting

I love my friends
they make life interesting


With both, its a killer combination
and just one more reason as to why life is good

xx

Being the emo child i am,
last night i started thinking about death

Along with-
frogs
moths
butterflies
bugs
fish
cats
frogs/toads
okay i ll generalise - ANIMALS -

death used to scare the shit out of me



I cant quite pinpoint wat ASPECT of it made me excrete bodily waste,

but i think it was something about not being able to tell everyone in my life things that i wanted to
OR
not doing everything i wanted to...


dying with regrets


Then i read one of those emails about living life to the fullest
...which was only able to happen when you forwarded it to 5 or more of your contacts...

BUT

it did inspire me to want to  run out onto the street and sing in the rain and dance and well just
MAKE something out of my life


All of a sudden everything i wanted seemed attainable:
a high UAI
endless fortune
trips to Italy and Greece
etc.

and all because WORDS put me in a better frame of mind

size 28 font
Ariel
BOLD
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because i want those feelings of
success, boundless inevitablilty, and just
pure happiness about what the future holds

to be able to stay for longer
& reinforced.

having protection is great

but sometimes it does more harm than benefit.

Now for people like Ben who are getting their hopes up about me condoning unprotected sex, think again.

what im referring to is the protection your parents give you,
mainly because ive become the David Hicks of the household and my prison is my home.
but noones campaigning to get me out because everyones under the impression im better off in here

i understand that its all for a beneficial cause
because parents hate thinking their kids have to grow up and face the perils of adulthood
& they'll do everything they can to keep them protected from the world

BUT


i think it makes the kids more inclined to want to get out and engage in everything youve protected them from,
whether its because they really want to
or just to spite the parents

i do the latter

My parents keep me at home because everyone in my family likes to know where i am at every hour of the day

so
to piss them off


i blast the ghetto music making sure all the syllables of FUCK and SHIT are echoed around the house,

i talk and laugh as loud as i can on the phone
making sure they can hear me mention boys names and how gorgeous these boys are and how id love to have like
10 000 of their kids,


& (my favourite)
i randomly walk out the front door.
- the chaos created by it is hilarious,
my mother and father suddenly drop whatever they're doing
and everyones fighting to get through the door first to see if ive dared leave home...

...im just sitting on the pathway appreciating the various birdshit designs






I think it annoys me the most because im the oldest.

YET


my 14 year old brother is allowed out
whenever and wherever the hell he wants to go.

The line between protection and INCARCERATION

is very vague in my household,

they overlap frequently.

Protection is good

the opposite extremes of it are what is dangerous.

dont get me wrong, i love my family

but theres only so much restrication you can place in a person's life

if theres one thing ive learnt from it,
i know how i DONT want my kids to be treated


Okay, my dad's looking for me again,
time to go openly recollect my various sexual encounters with make believe boys!

p.s. again, this was not promoting un protected sexual endeavours okay
     

if you do it and get Chlamydia
- your bad
     

if you do it and get Children
- well you didnt protect yourself

but 
make sure you don't make up for it by OVER protecting the kids

My pathetic excuse for a phone suddenly turned off last night and wouldn't turn back on
But i insist on keeping it because its pretty
   =)

This turned out to be the perfect metaphor for a situation many of my friends seem to be going through -

They're in an inept relationship that is doing more harm than good

      OR


They just got out of a counterproductive relationship 

    and want to get back in


Both circumstances occur because these people are under a false sense of sercurity
and wish to regain or maintain the ineffective relationships
because, either tangibly or metaphysically,
it "looks" good to them.

They wait for the negativity to pass and get back to the good ol' times again
but more often than not,
these good times are out numbered by the bad.


My friends going through this are the strongest people i know
but in this instance,
they negotiate their worth and spine

and for what?

a relationship that moves as fast as an elephant with broken legs

These people totally underestimate their worth

and this coupled with the notion of :

"TREAT 'EM MEAN, KEEP 'EM KEEN"


gives a futile, deficient, mindless, arrogant "person", control and company

of a beautiful counterpart


whom they don't deserve.


There are other people out there


i mean DAMMN! RSVP gets 1.4 million hits a day!


okay i made that up

but seriously it is true.

you will find

someone who deserves your time and money

someone who gives u sercurity without making you compromise your worth

someone who will put as much into the relationship as you do




im going to take my leave now to write a letter abusing the shit out of motorola

WARNING: MOTOROLA PHONES ARE AS RELIABLE AS THE AFORE MENTIONED FUTILE PEOPLE

its best we all stay away from them.

Okay.

So it was New Years and thats traditionally the biggest annual piss up world wide but i dont think it should mean that you let loose on all accounts.

Here, im referring dominantly to relationships and people sailing in them

Just because its New Years,
and there are copious amounts of alcohol flowing in from everywhere,
and they somehow find their way down your oesophagus causing your friendly sensors and confidence levels to soar,

DOES NOT VALIDIFY YOU CHEATING ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND/PARTNER etc.

Saying
"oh but it's New Years, Fuck it, make the most of it, its one night"
- is the most puerile, immature form of an excuse you can make
It's a cop out
and it is also false because there will be other nights where you get blind drunk,
New Years just seems to be a night where you try make those actions credible. 

There's Friendly
&then
there's Sleazy
and alcohol consumption levels are the decider in which category you lie in



My friend "Anna" went to a New Years party with her family.
Her boyfriend of 2 years called her, heavily intoxicated and started conversing with her about this "really hot chick i got to hook up with" and made it sound like Anna had missed a Red Moon -

"baby, you shouldve have SEEN her she was *groan*"

Anna of course was immensely disappointed that she didnt get a chance to watch her boyfriend kiss another girl.

So anyway 
i was woken up at 7am to comfort my friend because someone was irresposible, arrogant, selfish and just a plain idiot.

The dig here isn't aimed at New Years parties or getting drunk, even though it may seem like it

It's just telling cheaters, who use alcohol as an excuse, that they are morally disabled
and should be hung.


You need to start

    Thinking.

Think further than just the next few hours

Think more than just about yourself

Think about more than whos throat your going to shove your tongue into

Because though you know,

you STILL don't seem to understand that

ACTIONS
                             have
CONSEQUENCES



and for goodness sake, you're hurting someones feelings.

your two minutes of fun may have cost you something more




         happy new year

EWWWW.
              DO YOU

          SEE THAT
thats what some random girl said to me when i walked past her today.

i had no idea who the hell she was
but that seemed to make it all the more easier openly profess profanities about me.

i found really interesting that her and her little friend found my appearence talk worthy but what was more interesting was that she was about 18 and her friend was 10, though the maturity displayed would easily get them mistaken for 3.

they were exemplary supre advocates, wearing those fluro shirts and tights and had their hair in a high ponytail.
it would have been so easy to fire something back at them
and i almost did
i almost Jerry Springer styled it - 

"FUCK YOU DUMB BITCH HOW BOUT I MAKE THAT PONYTAIL COME OUTTA YOUR ASS SO YOU CAN BE NATURALLY FLURO" 
                      

                             BUT
 i, in all my passivity and lovely serene nature, decided against this simply, because im giving up violence as it benefits noone

& also

that 10 yr old couldve taken me on no problem

But basically, today reinforced another life lesson that ive been told several times but never took in 

            DONT JUDGE PEOPLE

                       it hurts 
                         =(

well okay mine didnt hurt because im just such a hard guy,
but in other circumstances it probably would

noone likes being judged negatively and lets not pretend we never do it, it happens all the time
hell, im goin to probably stop typing this and judge the next person i see

                         but i'll at least try
                       

Its 5pm, the day's basically at an end and ive decided to take up this blogging thing because im more or less deprived of a life at the moment.

                                                              SO

in the course of my uneventful life, i got to thinking about Christmas.

This year was the first year i didnt go to mass for it at all and the shame im feeling is overwhelming, i actually am expecting to get shot down by lightning any second but the thing is, im not the only one who's in this situation but its affecting me in this way because i consider myself an extremely devout Catholic...give or take 9 of the ten commandments...but basically i figured out that Christmas really has lost its meaning you know..

                                                     CHRIST
                                                        
                                                         MASS

The connotation behind the origins of the word have been negotiated to reflect society's new values of consumerism and OHMYGOSH. i know i sound like dickhead and you've all heard it before but its true.
and you know what - it saddens me.
because i've always thought of myself as quite the dedicated catholic girl who fights off the perils of conformation single handedly for the greater good
but lately that "greater good" is guys, shopping, my phone, anything orientated with the way i look physically.

& because ive channelled all my time, money and energy into those things that rob me of true happiness, ive balanced it out with compromising the time i dedicate to my God

I feel stupid typing out so openly about my religion but this same stupidy urges me to keep typing because its not something i should be ashamed of

For some of you, religion is not an issue, but im sure you could relate it to another aspect of your life perhaps in losing connection with a close friend or relative?
But the thing is im sorta tripping because i feel like a bad person but i know im not...

my religion is the overriding influence in my  life
                                                   
                                                           but.
my head is what chooses what influences me and more often than not, im good at stopping the negative influences...

it's all a bit all over the place but i hope someone gets where im coming from

i think basically...today i just feel bad because its christmass and i didnt go to church...but its also a reflection of how much ive let go of in the past year...
its not laziness...
its me confusing short term fun with long term happiness.

& i guess today it just all hit me

...that, and i just had a massive box of Raffaello to myself so the anguish is multiplied

*SIGH*

ANYWAY LOVERS this has been a tad too depressing for a day like today so im going to leave it there
but i hope u all have fun
take care
stay extensively sober
and virginal...
&&
i hope the holliday was good for you

                                                        =]

                                                XxX_Olly_XxX